A Guide to Supporting Children Through Grief and Loss

Grief is never simple, but when it touches a child, it can be especially hard to navigate. Whether they’ve lost a parent, grandparent, sibling, pet, or someone else close to them, children process loss in ways that are deeply emotional — and often very different from adults. As a parent or caregiver, you may feel unsure about how to help, what to say, or when to worry.

It’s never easy supporting children through grief, but with the right tools, language, and support systems, they can begin to understand loss and develop healthy ways to cope and heal.

Understanding Child Grief Reactions by Age

Children don’t grieve in linear or predictable ways. A child’s understanding of death — and the emotions that follow — develops alongside their age, maturity, and life experience.

Young children often aren’t aware of death’s finality.

Older children may understand more but struggle with strong emotions they can’t fully name. Meanwhile, teens may show sadness one day and irritation the next.

By understanding these reactions, you as a parent or caregiver can respond in ways that meet your children where they are.

How To Talk to Children About Death

It’s natural to want to protect children from pain, but children benefit more from knowing they can ask questions, express feelings, and hear truthful, clear, and compassionate answers.

Talking to Young Children (Ages 3–6)

Use simple, concrete language. Phrases like “Their body stopped working” or “They died and won’t come back” help young children understand death as a permanent change. Addressing age-typical misconceptions about fault and contagiousness of death are key to helping young children grieve. Say things like “Their death is not your fault” and “They died in a car accident, but that does not mean you will die in a car accident.”

Be prepared to repeat answers as they process the loss over time. Keep routines steady and give extra reassurance.

Talking to School-Age Children (Ages 7–12)

At this age, children start to grasp the permanence of death but may not know how to express their emotions. The child might ask detailed or scientific questions, or they might feel guilt, anger, or fear. As a parent or caregiver, let them know it’s okay to cry, to ask, or even to laugh when they need a break from sadness.

Talking to Teenagers

Teens may seem mature, but they’re still developing emotional and cognitive tools to cope — they might want more privacy or feel pressure to act “strong” for others, or they may question the fairness of death or struggle with intense emotions they don’t want to share.

Offer your teen the space to grieve in their own way, while gently checking in. Respect their independence but let them know you’re available for any conversation — no pressure, no judgment.

Emotional Support Strategies and Coping Tools

Supporting children through grief can take many forms. Often, these simple tools are the most effective.

Validate and Name Emotions

Let children know their feelings are normal. Statements like “It’s okay to feel angry” or “I understand that you’re sad today” can be incredibly grounding.

Avoid trying to “cheer them up” too quickly and allow space for sorrow, frustration, confusion, or even relief, depending on the situation.

Create Safe Outlets for Expression

Offer different ways for children to explore and express their grief:

• Drawing or painting what they feel

• Writing letters to the person who died

• Playing memory games or storytelling

• Using dolls or figures to act out emotions
  

Each of these tools can help externalize emotions that children can’t yet explain with words.

Maintain Structure and Routine

Loss disrupts a child’s world. So, keeping daily life predictable — bedtimes, meals, school drop-offs — helps them feel safe.

Stability doesn’t erase grief, but it builds a reliable foundation for healing.

When To Seek Professional Help

While grief is a natural response to loss, some children may need extra support.

Your child might benefit from professional help if you notice the following:

• Withdrawal from friends, family, or usual interests

• Changes in sleep or appetite

• Ongoing sadness, irritability, or fear that doesn’t ease with time

• Physical complaints with no medical cause (e.g., stomachaches, headaches)

• Regressive behaviors (bedwetting, clinginess, tantrums)

• Talk of wanting to be with the person who died or harming themselves
  

The above may indicate a need for child grief counseling or trauma-informed support.

How Trauma-Informed Therapy Can Help

Grief can become more complex when layered with trauma, sudden loss, or limited support. Luckily, Hearts Connected’s therapeutic sessions can make a profound difference.

Our team of Certified Child Life Specialists offers compassionate, evidence-based support for children and bereavement.

We use play-based approaches to help kids process grief safely and in ways that feel natural to them.

Virtual sessions are available to children and teens across the U.S. and Canada, with no waitlists, and care tailored to your family’s needs.

You’re Helping More Than You Know

You may not have all the answers. You may stumble, worry, or wonder if you’re saying the right thing.

But if you’re showing up, listening with care, and creating a space where your child can feel seen, you’re doing meaningful work. With your support, your child is learning how to move through grief and loss with love, understanding, and resilience.

If you ever feel like you or your child could use additional support, we’re here to help.

Reach out today to learn more about how our virtual services can support your family through loss and healing.